Discord Eviscerates Thots and has Big Gay
by GodEmpressofCancer
Summary: Discord stops by to converse with Celestia, only to find an unknown alicorn sitting next to her. Drama ensues. An obvious crackfic incase you weren't aware.


"Okay, so this is unrepentingly stupid as fuck." Discord deadpanned as he stared at Celestia.

"How so?" Celestia questioned as her husband, Midnight Radiance of the Deathknell IV, scrutinized the draconaequus with his diamagnetic, multi-spectral gaze.

He gestured towards the black, red, and royal blue alicorn. "This. This bullshit. Right fucking next to you."

Celestia gave him a spaced out look, raising an eyebrow comically, to the point where it actually left her goddamn model and hung suspended in midair, which even Discord found a bit odd.

Whaddya want? This show is made in Flash it's not a fucking miracle program.

"Discord, I'm not sure what you're referring to. You remember Midnight Radiance, don't you?"

He stared at the princess as if she'd magically grown six fucking heads, because he grew two heads all the time and that was way more mundane to him than six. Six was a bit crazy.

"I absolutely do fucking _not_ remember this asshole. I think I'd remember someone with a color pallete that hopelessly edgy." Discord snapped, folding his arms.

Midnight Radiance glared at the draconaequus, and finally spoke. "Whomst've'ly'int'es'ain't's'on't are you, thoust insufferableble ingratious snake?" He retorted serenly, voice like silk in the beauty of Luna's moonlight, that would charm any who listened to its cadence.

"What? Are you having a stroke? Half of those weren't even words." Discord examined the line above him, squinting his eyes and frowning. "Why is this description of him talking to me LONGER than his actual fucking sentence?"

I'm trying my best you chaotic cunt, it's like 2 in the goddamn morning.

Anyways, Celestia chuckled. "Now now Discord, there is no need to be jealous."

"What? Bitch, I've been there and hit that. You've got some sort of mental deficiency if you think that your slightly above average pussy is worth treating this Microclop Paint vomit like a romantic and sexual equal."

Midnight Radiance blistered in blazing fury. He stood to his full height, which was kind of irrelevant considering Discord is stupidly OP and theoretically could grow to the size of the fucking castle and crush him like a Parasprite. His horn glowed reddish-blue, which is definitely a real color, shut up, and he summoned a katana. And not just any katana.

A katana made of REAL METAL.

That's some hardcore shit.

He pointed it towards Discord, face serene and dangerous, like a pouncing Timberwolf with the big down's.

(That's Down's syndrome, which is a disorder that affects one's mental and social development. Just thought I'd inform ya.)

"Do noth speakest so crassly to mine lady!" He called forth with the primal force of several thousand nude, flexing Tireks.

Discord looked towards the sky, asking any gods that existed to give him strength. "First of all, your attempts at speaking Olde Ponish make me want to stone myself. Secondly, that's the single most awful simile I have ever heard, author. We don't wear clothes you fuck, he's ALWAYS naked. And though he has a bomb dick, I'd rather not imagine him flexing, on account of the fact that he emotionally manipulated me and basically violated my being."

"Also, we're equestrian based animals, why the fuck are you using swords?"

"Silence! Prepare to battle, you mediocre thot." Midnight Radiance enthused, doing rather autistic movements with his katana that may have looked cool in his head, but in actuality would have gotten him killed in a fight with anyone who actually knew how to wield a fucking katana. He was also blissfully unaware of the fact that Discord is stupidly, outrageously OP and that is the reason why he wasn't in the movie or present for any major conflict barring To Where and Back.

Seriously, my dude, he could wipe you the fuck out without exerting effort. He's a force of goddamn nature, you dipshit, you're going to get eviscerated. Press F to pay respect and shit, y'no wa'da mean?

"Mediocre? Bitch, I am an **_excellent_** thot. You wish you were on my thot level, you peasant." Discord responded, rolling his eyes.

Celestia's brain was internally swelling, rendering her unable to comprehend the bullfuckery transpiring before her. "Discord, husband, let's all calm down and have some tea."

"First of all, husband? No. We all know if given the chance, you'd marry another mare. Your raging bisexuality was always directed more towards females."

"What are you referring to Discord, I am obviously one hundred percent heterosexual."

Discord rolled his eyes. "Yeah, sure, and I'm not a walking disaster area."

"Shall I cutteth himeth downeth, mine lady!?" Midnight Radiance yelled, because he's a spastic

"Do, do you even fucking hear what's coming out of your mouth? Those are nonsense words. You aren't even talking, you're just word vomiting all over me."

"ENGUARDE!" MIDNIGHT RADIANCE SCREECHED AS HE CHARGED TOWARDS DISCORD. I'M TYPING IN ALL CAPS TO MAKE THIS SEEM EXCITING. IS IT WORKING!? ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED!?

Discord calmly teleported out of the way, which caused Midnight Radiance to misswing, which pitched him forward becuase the laws of physics exist. He got impaled on his own katana.

"Wow. That is a STUNNING level of ineptitude." Discord commented, then proceeded to backhand Celestia across the face. "Celestia, you're being mind controlled, wake the fuck up."

The alicorn princess went derpy-eyed, which Discord found a bit cute, but he was also a raging cunt, so he slapped her again. That fixed it. He sighed as he buried his old, musty romantic feelings back inside his headspace.

Discird really needs a significant other, dude. He's v sad and needs affection.

#DicksOutForDiscord

"Discord? What happened? Where am I? Why are you here? Why is there a dying stallion on the ground? Why does my face hurt?"

"I saved you, you're in your castle, I stopped by to ask you something, he's an inept cunt, and I bitchslapped you."

"...I didn't think you'd actually answer me directly."

"Eventually, even a chaos spirit gets tired of bullshit."

Midnight Radiance let out a wail, piercing and loud, like the sound of several Raritys shrieking at once.

"That sounds absolutely awful, why is he doing that."

I dunno, maybe because he fucking stabbed himself?

"No need to be sassy you cunt." Discord snapped, not realizing that as an author, I have ungodly power over him and can mold his character to suit my needs.

He scoffed. "Oh yeah? Like what?"

Like make you attracted to Spike, who for all intents and purposes is like 20 in this story.

"Wait what?"

Spike is really hot as an adult BT dubs, so have fun you crazy kids.

"Yo, Discord, wanna fuck?" Spike asked, batting his eyelashes. No one was sure how he'd gotten there.

Discord, overwhelmed with gay, smiled. "Certainly." They began making out, while Midnight Radiance of the Deathknell IV screamed and Celestia began writing fanfiction in the background.

"Discord wtf I thought you liked Fluttershy?" Thorax, who magically fell into the scene, frowned. He had wanted to give Spike his weird bug-horse dick, but oops, he was too far gone now. The dragon dick has consumed him.

Would Discord actually have that kind of dick? I mean, what kinda dick would a chimera have? It would be kinda lame to give him a horse cock.

Idk, fantasy anatomy is hard.

"I mean she's alright, but I'm allowed to be sexually attracted to other people, and Fluttershy isn't the only person I could ever find myself falling for. I'm about as straight as a rubber band, why does everyone think I'd only be interested in Fluttershy and Celestia?"

"Hey author, your personal feels are leaking into your crack fic. Knock it off." Celestia commented, trying to wrap up her M/M/M slash fic in a concise way that wouldn't be too corny.

Sorry. I'm passionate about equal Discord fucking/dating opportunities.

So anyways, Thorax, Spike, and Discord fucked off into the sunset. Probably to have sex, which isn't a bad fic idea, so I'm going to steal Celestia's idea.

"You bitch!" Celestia exclaimed, tossing her laptop into Midnight Radiance's face, which knocked him out. He was losing a shit ton of blood beforehand, idk why it took a 4 pound laptop to knock him out.

"SISTER. WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING IN HERE?"

"No, Luna, the fic is over. Go back to your fucking room."

Luna sighed and went back to her room to listen to In The End for the 30th fucking time.

Yeet. Yote. Yeeting.

/

 **Existence is blistering agony.**


End file.
